last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
