I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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