i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
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