i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
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