she looked like the before picture.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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