He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
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I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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