i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
