yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
