Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Randomize
