What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
