I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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