HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
