every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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