i may or may not be watching the land before time
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Randomize
