He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Randomize
