How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize