These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
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