New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
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Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
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We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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