We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Vodka?
Forever.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
