You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
