Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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