I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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