You're a womanizer and a bitch.
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
