he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Randomize
