Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
