do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
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