ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Randomize
