Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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