if you like me you must not know who I am
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
