Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Randomize
