It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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