Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
