i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
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