You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
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