btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
