My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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