theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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