ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
