All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
This can only be settled by a dance off.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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