So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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