:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
