the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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