My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
We don't watch enough power rangers
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
