Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
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