Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Randomize
