nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
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