i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
