If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
