Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize
