I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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