So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
