You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Randomize
