Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests š
At least Iām an āessential employeeā and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesnāt ask why Iām essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a āfireplaceā station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and Iām great with hard things ;-)
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
