I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
