I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
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