you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Randomize
