Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
