Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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